


falling

by straysncts (orphan_account)



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Confessions, Crushes, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Maknae line, SO MUCH FLUFF, angsty if u count yuto moping as angst, fluff!!!!!!!!, jung wooseok - Freeform, one sided pining, other members are mentioned, relationship, wooseok is there for yuto, yuto is in love, yuto is sad a lot hes trying i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-01 03:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12695943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/straysncts
Summary: yuto fell in love with the little things.





	1. yuto's thoughts all go back to one person

**Author's Note:**

> this is so short please bear w me ;;; itll slowly get longer n longer (?) hopefully

yuto fell in love with the little things. he wishes it was gradual, wishes it was slow, more meaningful. it felt like it just happened, like one day he was thinking about how nice hyunggu looks in that one shirt and the next he’s thinking about the way his eyes light up when he smiles, how he always looks so bright and beautiful, and he can’t stop himself, can’t go back, can’t undo the way his heart skips a beat and his hands shake whenever hyunggu so much as glances at him, can’t help but notice everything there is to notice about hyunggu.

if any of the members have noticed his pining, (god he’s become that person) they haven’t been too obvious about it yet. to yuto, he thinks he’s pretty obvious. especially when hyunggu turns back to smile at yuto, who’s currently seated in the back of the car, and he can feel his cheeks go bright red from the small interaction. 

his cheeks are still a little flushed when they get back to their dorm. yuto wishes he wasn’t like this, wasn’t so attached and hopelessly falling. 

later that night, hyunggu slips into his room. it used to be because he couldn’t sleep, and being with someone, being with yuto helped. yuto thinks it’s become something more.

it’s nothing new. nothing new. the way hyunggu fits perfectly next to him is nothing new.  
the feeling of hyunggu’s hands sliding around his waist - nothing new. hyunggu’s face in his neck, ticklish and soft, is nothing new. yuto’s heart is still racing, still skipping beats, and his lungs are trying to keep up. one breath in. another out. one breath in. another out. hyunggu tugging him closer. it’s nothing new, but yuto is still out of breath.

in the morning, hyunggu won’t let him get out of bed. yuto lets himself wonder, lets himself consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe hyunggu likes him. because this isn’t something friends do. he doesn’t do this with wooseok. or any of the other members. sure, they’ve hugged and cuddled, but not like this. not like this.

“hyunggu, i have to get ready.” yuto quietly protests, and hyunggu does that stupid pout, whining about how he feels way too comfortable to let him leave and how he wants to sleep just for a little longer, so could he please not leave quite yet, and yuto caves. yuto caves because this is hyunggu and yuto would do anything to keep him happy, would do anything to make him smile. he caves for a while longer, just until hyunggu sleepily blinks open his eyes, a smile stretching across his face.

yuto thinks he could stare at hyunggu’s features for the rest of his life.

“you can go get ready now.” he lets out a small giggle, because is he really hyunggu if he isn’t laughing this early in the morning, and yuto can’t help but smile back. 

when yuto comes back out of the bathroom, hyunggu isn’t there. which is okay, because they have schedules today and yuto doesn’t want him to be late.

they’re getting into the car when hyunggu tugs on his arm, telling yuto to sit next to him. yuto thinks his heart might burst out of his chest.

it’s the small things, he tells himself.

you’d think yuto would be less caught off guard. he’s not.

he still accepts, trying to keep that stupid smile off of his face. he tries to ignore the look wooseok gives him, or the way jinho raises his eyebrows, even though they’ve sat next to each other before. maybe they’re all finally catching on. 

his suspicions are confirmed when wooseok approaches him later that day, when they’re given some time to rest.

“so, are you gonna tell him?” he asks, giving him a pointed look. yuto decides he’s going to play dumb and hope for the best.

“tell who what?” yuto tilts his head innocently, holding on to the small hope that wooseok is talking about something else.

“tell hyunggu how whipped you are.” wooseok responds, his tone much more smug than it should be.

“it’s not that obvious, is it?” yuto mumbles quietly, looking anywhere but wooseok’s eyes.

“dude. it is.” wooseok grins, and yuto feels the teasing come on before it even begins.

later that day, yuto is lost in thought.

kang hyunggu is beautiful. yuto wishes he could capture his beauty, capture the way his eyes glint and shine with each smile, capture the way his features glow, capture the way he moves delicately when he dances, capture all of those flaws (at least, the ones that hyunggu sees) and show it to him. maybe, just maybe, he’d see how beautiful he was then. maybe. 

wooseok snaps him out of his thoughts. 

“you should just tell him, you know. it’s hyunggu. it’s not like he’d laugh in your face.”

“laugh in my face?”

“oh god, wait. wait. let me back up before you get all panic-y and weird. what i meant was, the worst that could happen is that hyunggu tells you, gently, if i may add, that he just doesn’t feel the same.” wooseok gives him a reassuring smile.

yuto thinks he can feel his heartbeat in his throat.

“dude. chill. i can feel you panicking. if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.” 

this was how most of their conversations went. wooseok reassuring him, yuto thinking quietly. he wonders if wooseok ever gets tired of him.

“don’t overthink it, okay? you’re okay. it’s fine.”

he knows him way too well. way too well. yuto is grateful.

that night, back at the dorms, yuto considers it. he considers telling hyunggu. his mind races through every possible scenario - mostly the negative ones, because he refuses to give himself false hope, to give himself a sense of security, only to have it taken away at the last second.

yuto doesn’t fall asleep for hours. he can’t tell if his thoughts are keeping him awake, or if it’s because of the absence he feels without hyunggu beside him. maybe it’s a little bit of both.

yuto thinks he’s going to tell him.


	2. hyunggu sort of loses it (in turn, yuto does too)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuto's plan doesn't go too well. tears and chaos ensue. (kind of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter switches over to hyunggu's p.o.v for awhile i hope it isn't too confusing;; (i put a little - - - - each time it switches to help) also this turned out more sad than i thought it would be,,, so i Apologize in advance but the ending is a lil happier!!!!! if u like it anyways (ur the best if u do!!!!!) leave a comment or kudos or something??? anything??? i will give u all of my love n support in return

yuto tries. he really does. at least, that’s what he's been telling himself. 

each time he sees hyunggu, it's on the tip of his tongue.

hyunggu, i think i like you. it's okay if you don't feel the same way.

no matter how many times he goes through it in his head, it doesn't feel right. maybe wooseok was wrong. maybe he shouldn't tell him how he feels. some things are better left unsaid, right? (yuto knows he's lying to himself, but it's too late to go back)

in the end, he decides to avoid hyunggu, because nothing says "i love you" like pushing the one person who means the world to you away in an attempt to deal with your own confusing feelings. not exactly his best idea, but he doesn't know what else to do (that doesn't involve him confessing). he's more than convinced that hyunggu doesn't like him back, not in the way that yuto likes him.

he ends up feeling lonely. he never really realized how comforting hyunggu's presence was, how yuto automatically relaxed whenever he smiled at him. yuto knew hyunggu was catching on, and he could feel the guilt eating him up inside. yuto saw the way hyunggu's face fell each time he looked away instead of smiling back at him, or how hyunggu frowned each time yuto declined to watch their favorite t.v. show together (even though yuto really fucking loved the office, so much so that he's seen every episode twice), mumbling some half assed excuse in response. 

he spends a lot of time in his room, glad that they have little to no schedules for once, but simultaneously resentful because that means more time for hyunggu to attempt to get yuto to open up to him. as a result, he rarely leaves his bed, knowing that the guilt would consume him the second he saw hyunggu's hopeful face, wondering whether or not yuto would finally talk to him. yuto's heart aches.

yuto can hear the other members talking quietly, probably about him, and why he's been shutting everyone out. he wishes he could get over his stupid feelings already, because no matter how shitty it was of him to do this to hyunggu, he misses his other half. yuto doesn't like being responsible for this awkward tension, for the weirdness between him and hyunggu, and most of all, for making hyunggu sad. the guilt grows as the days pass.

wooseok tries to talk to him through his door, but only ends up getting frustrated.

"i know you're sad and overthinking and feeling upset with yourself but i just don't get why you're shutting me out. me. wooseok. the guy who knows exactly what's going on, even when you refuse to open up or talk about your feelings. your best friend."

he's right. even now, wooseok knows exactly what's up.

yuto opens the door, bleary eyed and ashamed. wooseok sighs, his features softening when he sees how distraught yuto looks. 

"you look horrible."

yuto can't even bring himself to smile, even though he knows that's exactly what wooseok is trying to do.

wooseok quietly sits down next to yuto, who's gone back to his bed, and helps him get settled before bringing up hyunggu.

"i thought you were gonna tell him." wooseok's tone isn't accusing, or harsh, which is what yuto was expecting, but wooseok just sounds confused. hopeful, even.

there it is - that dull ache in his chest. yuto can't tell if his brain is materializing his internal pain into something physical, something tangible, or if he's just losing it and feeling things that aren't there.

"i can't. i can't. i can't risk it. it's so bad. each time i look at him, it's all i think about and it's weird and new and i've never felt like this and i don't want to get hurt or even worse, ruin our friendship. he means too much to me."

"so your solution was to push him away?"

yuto winces. it sounds even worse out loud, especially considering that hyunggu did nothing wrong, that yuto just shut him out for his own selfish reasons, and couldn't even be bothered to explain it to him.

"god, yuto. i know you're not good with your expressing your emotions and you can be closed off sometimes, but this?"

"i know. i know. god, i know." yuto can't even look him in the eyes.

wooseok calms down when he sees yuto shrink in on himself, almost as if he's trying to disappear, unable to bear the thought that he upset hyunggu, all because he couldn't keep his feelings in check. he doesn't notice he's crying until the anger in wooseok's face dissipates, eyes soft and concerning. he hugs him tightly, waiting for yuto to calm down.

"promise me you'll talk to him when you're ready. please. he's not, uh, doing much better."

wooseok gives him a small smile, covering him with one of many blankets on yuto's bed, leaving him alone with his thoughts and regrets.

\----

hyunggu doesn't know what he did wrong.

at first, he thinks he’s making it up, that yuto really isn't dodging him or making up lame excuses to avoid spending time with him. that can't possible be true, he tells himself. he didn't hurt him, did he?

as a result, he kind of loses it when yuto shuts himself in his room, avoiding not just him, but everyone else too. wooseok included. he can't help it, can't help the ache he feels without yuto's reassuring presence nearby, quiet and barely noticeable, but more than enough to make him happy. the other members try to comfort him, try to tell him that he didn't do anything wrong, that yuto's being stupid and that he'll come to his senses soon, because no one can ever really be mad at hyunggu for that long, but their words fall flat. 

eventually, wooseok just stands stubbornly outside of yuto's door, trying to coax him out, or better yet, get him to open the door and let him in. yuto finally lets him in, and hyunggu pretends like he doesn't wince, like he doesn't feel that pang in his chest because he knows he'll never be wooseok, because yuto and wooseok don't fight, don’t disagree or say hurtful things to each other. yuto doesn't ignore wooseok. sure, he shuts him out, but he still listens to him, still lets him into his room. they’re opposites, but they make it work. yuto is the moon. wooseok, the sun. different, but similar. hyunggu doesn't know what to do.

wooseok doesn't recount what happened to him, but something must've gone right because hyunggu's in his room, moping, when he hears a faint knock, followed by the world's quietest, "hyunggu?"

and he knows. he knows it's yuto, and he wants to be mad at himself for feeling the way his heart skipped a beat, for getting so excited when really, he should be knocking the door down and demanding an explanation. but this is yuto. he never does anything without a reason.

he's at the door before he knows it, one part of him screaming not to open it, and other part, the much more needy and clingy part, is telling him to open it before yuto changes his mind.

hyunggu opens the door, cheeks flushed and eyes hopeful despite every fiber of his being, every insecurity carved into his bones, is telling him he shouldn't. yuto opens his mouth to speak and hyunggu has absolutely no idea what he's going to say and he figures he never will because it all becomes too much, and his worries all come crashing down and he just starts crying. full on sobbing. in front of yuto. he watches yuto's expression go from guilty to panicked and back to guilty within thirty seconds, and it's slightly amusing and he kind of wants to laugh, but he can’t bring himself to. internally, hyunggu is screaming at himself because truthfully, he'd spent the past couple of days telling himself he wouldn't show yuto any mercy, because he's hyunggu and quite frankly, he deserves to be treated better than this, but that all went out the window the second yuto showed up. hyunggu can't help it, can't help that yuto has him so wrapped around his finger.

"hyunggu? oh god. i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry. please don't cry. please. i didn't mean to-"

he doesn't let yuto finish, because the next thing he knows is that he's hugging him, and nothing has ever felt so right. hyunggu hates himself for accepting him with open arms, hates himself for being so forgiving, but nothing has ever felt better than hugging yuto, tall and comforting yuto, who grips the back of his sweater tightly, his chin resting lightly on the top of hyunggu's head.

"you have a lot of explaining to do." hyunggu tries to yell, but his voice cracks in the middle of his sentence, and he gives up. he lets himself melt into yuto's embrace, ignoring the storm of thoughts raging inside of his head.

\----

"that's what i came to do." yuto breathes out, trying to mentally prepare himself for the two things he came here to do.

1\. apologize profusely  
2\. confess (if hyunggu is willing to speak him after this)

hyunggu pulls away, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. yuto blinks away some of his own tears, trying to resist the urge to wipe hyunggu's tears away, but he thinks he doesn't deserve to, doesn't deserve to treat hyunggu with care and affection after everything he's done the past couple of days. pushing his thoughts aside, yuto follows hyunggu to his bed, where he sits facing him. hyunggu waits for him to start, no longer seeming as relieved as earlier. yuto knows he's come to his senses. no matter how happy he was to see him at first, hyunggu is still hurt. 

hyunggu looks away from him, and yuto feels his heart ache again. he did this. he did this to hyunggu.

"i'm sorry doesn't really cover it, i guess. i didn't mean to shut you, well, no, i did shut you out. and it was wrong. it was horrible of me because you're hyunggu, and you deserve to be treated much better than this, deserve much better than a friend like me. i'm sorry. i really am. i know i hurt you, and i regret it. you don't have to forgive me right now, or ever. i would understand if you didn't."

hyunggu doesn't say anything, and yuto thinks his heart just might give out.

"tell me why. i can't blindly forgive you, yuto. you know that. just give me a reason."

yuto can feel his hands start to shake, and he wonders if there's any excuse he can make up to get out of this but then he thinks about hyunggu, the boy who was always there for him, the one person who can put up with him, (along with wooseok) and he decides against it. he figures it'll be like ripping off a bandaid. the faster you do it, the less it hurts. at least, that's what he thinks.

“promise you won’t laugh?” yuto asks sheepishly, playing with the edges of his sweater nervously.

“why would i-“

“because i like you, okay? i like you, and i pushed you away to avoid getting hurt because no one would ever have feelings for me. i’m not lovable or anything remotely close. so i pushed you away. i thought maybe my feelings would calm down. i didn’t want to risk our friendship. how ironic.” the words just bubble out of yuto, and he can’t believe he’s saying them, can’t believe he’s confessing after all this time. it’s exhilarating, but terrifying.

to his credit, hyunggu doesn’t laugh. yuto almost wishes he did.

“yuto, i can’t believe how-“ hyunggu breathes out, pausing to stare at him.

yuto automatically goes into panic mode, preparing to get rejected. maybe it won’t be too bad. (he’s lying, again)

“yuto.”

“yes, hyunggu?”

he doesn’t know what else to say.

“come here.”

yuto finds himself on the edge of hyunggu’s bed, right next to hyunggu himself. their shoulders and knees are almost touching, and yuto resists the urge to move closer, refusing to give in to his emotions.

“can i?” hyunggu gestures at yuto’s hand, grabbing it when he nods, his cheeks turning pink. it feels so familiar to have hyunggu near him, to hold his hand, even if they’ve never done it before.

yuto doesn’t think hyunggu can get any more beautiful than this, with his warm eyes and stupid smile.

“yuto. oh my gosh. you’re so stupid. i can’t believe i like someone so stupid.”

yuto glances at hyunggu, whose cheeks have gone from pink to full on red, and he smiles the second he registers the second half of hyunggu’s sentence. 

“hyunggu.” 

“yes, yuto?” 

“you like me? you like my stupid self?”

“god, yes. i do, you fucking idiot. how much more dense could you possibly get?”

yuto doesn’t respond. instead, he stares at their hands, how they link together so easily, and realizes the ache in his heart has been replaced by something else.

yuto doesn’t really mind. not one bit.


	3. yuto is way too soft for his own good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuto and hyunggu can't help themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dropped hint(s) about this in the second chapter i think lets see if anyone caught on it was pretty subtle tbh ((also theres another p.o.v switch because i dont wanna tell it just from yutos p.o.v)) plus this gets so soft?? i hope u enjoy mwah

eventually, they end up falling asleep on hyunggu's bed. yuto doesn't really remember falling asleep, doesn't remember anything but how right it felt to have hyunggu by his side after spending so much time apart. it's sort of perfect, how they fit together, hyunggu's smaller body pressed up against yuto's.

for the longest time, yuto just holds him. (he's done this with hyunggu before, but it's different this time) it's nice, he thinks. holding someone. it makes him feel grounded, like he isn’t as lost and drifting aimlessly as he feels.

hyunggu breaks the silence by shifting to face yuto, who temporarily moves his hands from his waist, only putting them back when he settles comfortably next to yuto. hyunggu's hand moves up to yuto's face, softly pushing the hair out of his eyes, even though yuto can see perfectly fine. the gesture still makes his heart race.

yuto wonders if hyunggu can hear it beating through his chest.

"please don't shut me out again. please." hyunggu breathes out, his hands moving to cup yuto's face so that they're nose to nose, eyes on each other. yuto doesn't trust himself to speak in fear of hurting hyunggu even more, so he nods almost immediately, covering hyunggu’s hands with his own, hoping that hyunggu understands he doesn't have any better way of showing his sincerity. he watches hyunggu's features relax automatically at his response, his eyes becoming warm again as he smiles, unable to hold it back anymore, and yuto is relieved. hyunggu understands him in ways no one else ever has.

yuto is so far gone. so, so far gone.

when yuto wakes up in the morning, he's the happiest he's been in days. (yuto hates himself for being so cheesy) he blinks his eyes sleepily, only to see hyunggu smiling at him. bare faced, sleepy, hyunggu. he can't imagine waking up to anything more beautiful. yuto takes a deep breath, and decides there's no going back.

"how do you look so pretty this early in the morning?" he blurts out, regretting it almost immediately, because even though hyunggu admitted to liking him back, yuto's insecurities are still present. what if hyunggu think he's weird? or something even worse? it makes no sense, but he still finds himself worrying about it.

hyunggu's smile only grows, crinkles defining his eyes and cheeks turning the softest shade of pink.

they stay in bed a little while longer, hyunggu rambling about all of the things he couldn't talk about before, yuto hanging on to his every word. they only decide to get up when yuto's stomach starts grumbling, getting a giggle from hyunggu, who promises to make him something to eat if he lets go of him.

yuto meets hyunggu in the kitchen after going back to his shared room with wooseok (who barely manages a smile when he sees him) to change and get ready for the day. he decides to talk to wooseok later, just to make sure he's okay. yuto feels terrible for not looking after him as much as wooseok looks after him.

he pushes his thoughts away for now, and realizes that the dorm is quiet with the exception of hyunggu moving around their tiny kitchen, humming to himself and preparing everything he needs. yuto stands in the doorway, trying not to smile because hyunggu is just so cute when he pours all of his attention into something.

eventually, he tries to grab some food while hyunggu isn't looking, who notices almost immediately and complains (very loudly) that yuto should've waited until he called him to come into the kitchen so that he could've gotten the most out of his meal, how he should be more patient, and why can't he just do something nice for yuto and surprise him, and it’s strangely endearing. all the while, yuto is grinning. it's cute, really, when hyunggu is like this. he gets that pout on his face, and tries not to look at yuto in an attempt to prove how serious he feels about this. yuto moves around the kitchen in an effort to help hyunggu, who's still keeping up his whole "i'm not talking to you" facade, but doesn't realize that yuto can see him sneaking peeks at him every so often. yuto can't stop smiling.

when everything is ready, yuto starts by putting food onto hyunggu's plate, who's sitting across from him, and tells him to eat well, thanking him afterwards. hyunggu smiles almost immediately, telling him how cute and mushy he is, but yuto can tell he's enjoying the attention.

at some point during breakfast, hyunggu's eyes drift to behind him, and yuto turns around to see wooseok standing in the doorway.

"i, uh, was gonna get something to eat but i can go." he mumbles, avoiding both of their gazes.

"wait, don't go. you can eat with us." hyunggu frowns, already reaching for another plate.

"it's fine. i'll just, eat later." wooseok shrugs him off, already backing out of the doorway and turning around.

yuto knows something is up.

“i’m gonna go talk to him. i promise i’ll be back to help you clean up.” hyunggu smiles at that, letting him go after wooseok. (yuto doesn’t notice the way it doesn’t reach his eyes)

\- - - -

wooseok feels so _empty._

the feeling worsens when he stumbles upon yuto and hyunggu in the kitchen, talking and smiling.

it’s a good thing he never told yuto. instead, he encouraged him, pushed him in the right direction, and everything turned out okay. all the while, he was swallowing his own feelings. because no matter how much he cares about him, he just wants him to be happy, and hyunggu makes him happy. wooseok decides that’s better than him being honest.

he wishes swallowing his feelings worked because he’s never felt as pained as he does now, knowing that yuto slept in hyunggu’s room, knowing that they probably made breakfast together, knowing that yuto’s feelings for hyunggu are reciprocated.

he’d give anything to be hyunggu.

but he knows. he could tell yuto didn’t notice, that he was unfazed by wooseok constantly hanging out around him, that he was too busy pining to even realize how much wooseok likes him. he's known for a while now.

it’s okay, he tells himself. it’s okay. it’s not his fault. it happens. he'll get over this.

the tears don’t stop, but he continues telling himself it’s okay.

he knows yuto is going to come looking for him, because yuto knows him like the back of his hand. they fit so well together, but it’s not the same. not the same as yuto and hyunggu.

wooseok seeks solace with jinho, unwilling to explain himself to yuto.

jinho doesn’t say anything, just lets wooseok crawl into his bed, knowing that all he wants is some comfort.

they fit well together. but it’s not yuto. it’s not the same, and wooseok knows it.

\- - - -

yuto ends up searching for wooseok, who isn’t in their room. he doesn’t want to disturb any of the members, (and by that he means shinwon, who threw a pillow and various other objects at his head when he accidentally woke him up once) but he’s anxious to see if he’s okay. he pointedly avoids shinwon’s room, knowing wooseok wouldn't be there anyways, and he eventually finds wooseok fast asleep in jinho’s room.

yuto quietly backs out, frowning because he knows wooseok doesn’t usually sleep when he’s hungry, but figures he must be tired, so he shrugs it off. he decides to go back to hyunggu, feeling bad for leaving him behind to clean up.

\- - - -

hyunggu smiles when yuto tells him he’s going to see if wooseok is okay, but it doesn’t feel sincere.

he knows. he knows he’s not wooseok. the thought is raging through him, but he tries his best to subdue it because wooseok and yuto have been friends for ages, so it’s okay for yuto to look after him, okay for them to check up on each other. besides, he’s the one yuto likes, right? the last thought makes him feel guilty, but he pushes it away, trying to focus on something more positive.

he’s doing the dishes when yuto comes up next to him, rolling his sleeves up and giving him that stupid smile.

hyunggu relaxes almost immediately, trying his best not to smile like an idiot.

“everything okay?” he asks, because no matter how he may feel, hyunggu can’t help but voice his concern.

“i don’t know. he fell back asleep, which is weird, but i’ll talk to him later, i guess.” yuto responds, giving him a reassuring smile. hyunggu nods, and they continue in a comfortable silence.

when they finish, hyunggu clings onto yuto (he knows he’s being annoying, but he really can’t go back at this point) from behind, craning his neck to get a look at yuto, who is blushing but smiling nonetheless. 

hugging yuto is nothing new, but hyunggu still gets that light, airy feeling when he sees the smile on yuto’s face.

“so cute.” yuto mumbles, his own hands coming to rest on top of hyunggu’s, who feels like the butterflies in his stomach are traveling up to his throat.

they stay in the middle of the kitchen like that for a while, hyunggu feeling at ease.

he doesn’t really know where they stand, but it’s okay, he thinks. they’ll figure it out eventually.

\- - - -

they end up on the couch, watching yuto’s favorite show, despite him insisting hyunggu choose something because, in all honesty, he doesn’t really care what they watch. having hyunggu beside him is more than enough but he holds that thought back, not wanting to scare him off.

yuto wishes he could pay attention.

instead, his thoughts all go back to one thing: where he stands with hyunggu.

he never really figured they'd get this far, so he's kind of lost as to what comes next. are they dating? are they just friends, or have they already blurred that line and crossed into that weird gray area? he wonders if they'll ever end up talking about it, or if one of them is going to end up asking the other one about it. the thought scares yuto. it's pretty clear that he likes hyunggu, but this is all new to him, new to the both of them, and he doesn't want to mess it up. 

he's pulled out of his thoughts by hwitaek walking in, raising his eyebrows at the sight of hyunggu curled up next to yuto. he doesn't say anything, but the look on his face is enough to make yuto sit up and mumble a quiet greeting. hwitaek laughs, saying something about how he's glad that things are back to normal between them before disappearing into the kitchen.

hyunggu instinctively curls back up next to yuto, and the gesture is both comforting and nerve wracking because he  _knows_ the other members are going to wake up soon as well and yuto doesn't know how much teasing he can withstand. hyunggu doesn't seem to mind. 

"the other members are gonna wake up any minute now." yuto points out, trying to be impartial. 

"embarrassed?" hyunggu catches on immediately, grinning up at him.

yuto tries to keep a straight face, but hyunggu moves almost automatically, and he's pretty sure it's because his eyes betrayed just how anxious he's feeling. 

"i'm sorry. i know you're big on this kind of stuff." yuto can't help but feel guilty, wishing that affection could come as easily to him as it does to hyunggu.

hyunggu rolls his eyes in response, telling him how stupid he is for apologizing, and that it's _okay_ for him to feel the way he does.

yuto can't remember the last time he felt so loved, so accepted. he wishes he could make hyunggu feel the same way. it's another thing for him to add to his ever-growing list of reasons why he doesn't deserve hyunggu.

"we can watch in my room, if that would make you more comfortable." hyunggu adds, giving him a warm smile. hyunggu grabs his hand the second yuto nods, simultaneously turning off the t.v. and tugging him back to his bed. (yuto tries to ignore hwitaek laughing)

they reach hyunggu's room when yuto remembers wooseok, and wonders if he's awake yet. he hears a door opening, and quickly tells hyunggu he'll be right back, going to check on wooseok. he finds him standing in jinho’s doorway. yuto smiles at him, asking if they could talk for a second. wooseok nods, softly smiling back.

“i just wanted to see if you were okay. you seemed kinda off this morning.” yuto starts awkwardly, hoping wooseok understands that this is his way of looking after him.

“ah, i’m fine. don’t worry about me.” wooseok smiles as if to prove his point, tilting his head knowingly. yuto smiles automatically, reaching out to ruffle wooseok’s hair endearingly, a gesture yuto knows wooseok enjoys, especially being the youngest member.

“make sure you eat something! there’s leftovers if you want them.” yuto calls out as he walks back down the hall slowly, so that he can still hear wooseok’s response. he smiles when he hears it. 

“hyunggu?” yuto mumbles, opening the door to his room carefully. he finds hyunggu already curled up on his tiny bed, pillows scattered and laptop balanced precariously on his knees, with a spot for yuto. he manages to squeeze back next to hyunggu, who turns to look at him. 

“wooseok?” he asks, and yuto feels a pang of guilt.

“i went to check on him.” he explains, and hyunggu lets out a little ‘ah’ before smiling at him.

he waits to make sure yuto is comfortable, who has to move every two seconds to adjust his position since hyunggu’s bed isn’t made for two people, or just tall people in general.

once they’re comfortable, hyunggu transfers the laptop to yuto’s knees, (he thinks this is a little dangerous, but goes along with it anyways) automatically resting his head in the crook of yuto’s neck, one of his hands resting on yuto’s chest. yuto can barely pay attention to the scenes flashing in front of him.

_hyunggu, hyunggu, hyunggu._

it’s a good thing hyunggu can’t read his mind.

it’s dangerous, yuto thinks, having his thoughts revolve around one person. dangerous to have tunnel vision (all he sees is hyunggu) and be so attached.

when hyunggu gets bored, they end up laying side by side, the show long forgotten and hyunggu curled up in a ball, facing yuto. at this point, yuto thinks his heart is going to give out.

yuto loves listening to hyunggu talk. there’s just something about the way his eyes light up, something about the way he talks faster the more excited he gets, stumbling over his words but not letting that stop him.

yuto thinks there’s something beautiful about the way hyunggu doesn’t hold himself back. 

hyunggu props himself up on his elbows, smiling at yuto, who’s still thinking about how beautiful the person in front of him is.

yuto, who’s laying on his side, props himself up using the arm already on the bed to hold his head.

yuto can’t stop staring. 

they’re so close, almost like they’re in their own little world. one of them moves closer, and yuto can’t tell which one of them it is, but he’s not complaining. 

yuto wants to kiss him. 

“hyunggu.” yuto breathes out.

“yes?”

“is it okay if i kiss you?” yuto thinks he might die of embarrassment if this doesn’t go well.

hyunggu nods, but yuto waits for him to give a verbal response. he needs to know for sure, needs to know if it’s okay for yuto do something that makes him feel so _vulnerable._ (only he would think kissing someone is a sign of vulnerability) but it’s true, isn’t it?

“god yuto, yes. kiss me.” hyunggu finally blurts out, and yuto leans in but it’s weird considering both of them are propped up on their elbows, and yuto wants to cup hyunggu’s face. 

so he shifts, and hyunggu moves with him automatically, already understanding why.

hyunggu ends up sitting across from him, but close enough that their knees are touching, and one minute yuto’s thinking about how beautiful he looks and the next he’s _kissing_ him, one of his hands coming to cup hyunggu’s face.

and it’s not perfect, because yuto’s kissed girls before, but he’s never kissed a boy, and this is so new to him. it’s obviously not new to hyunggu, who seems to know exactly what to do, but he doesn’t mind. he still feels giddy and light the entire time, especially when hyunggu slides his hands around his neck, one of them moving into his hair. he can feel hyunggu smile into the kiss, and he pulls away to catch his breath, but they’re still nose to nose. 

yuto can’t hold back his smile anymore, especially when he sees that hyunggu is blushing.

“you’re so cute.” he mumbles, moving his hands to hyunggu’s waist, tugging him closer so that he ends up in yuto’s lap. (yuto can’t even be bothered to be embarrassed at this point) 

hyunggu’s still smiling at him, his hands finding their way back to yuto’s neck. 

and it’s nice. holding hyunggu, kissing him lazily, all the while mumbling compliments softly. yuto thinks that if this is what being vulnerable feels like, he doesn’t really mind. as long as he’s with hyunggu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps kudos n comments are always appreciated i love reading them


	4. hyunggu is so far gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunggu and yuto go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow uh this update took a while but i hope u guys like it i mean its Way too soft n entirely from hyunggus perspective but anyways i love yuki so much theyre so cute + the other members actually make an appearance in this chapter!!!!! yay i guess ((also kudos n comments are always appreciated it makes me happy to see people actually enjoy this mess of a fic))

being with yuto is such a rush. hyunggu can’t remember if he’s ever felt this way, butterflies swirling and heart racing. it’s stupid, so stupid, but hyunggu is so far gone. he doesn’t even care at this point.

they go on their first date a couple of days later, trying to take it slow. yuto doesn’t make a big deal out of asking him, and it’s so nice, because he stutters and blushes, that stupid smile appearing on his face the second hyunggu says yes. it’s so nice, being with yuto.

it’s not until yuto takes them to a small, hole in the wall cafe that hyunggu decides he doesn’t care where they go. having yuto beside him is more than enough. they order some coffee, yuto insisting that he pay, and hyunggu whining that he shouldn’t spend his money on him, but yuto says that he really doesn’t mind, so he ends up dropping it. (but only if he gets to treat yuto on their next date, which makes him blush) they sit across from each other, hyunggu smiling reassuringly at yuto, who looks nervous. he slides his hand across the table, covering yuto’s with his own, who visibly relaxes.

“so, are you gonna tell me when you realized you had a crush on me? i’ve been meaning to ask.” hyunggu asks, tilting his head and smiling softly.

“it just kind of happened, if i’m being honest. i wish i could pinpoint it.” he mumbles, looking sheepish. 

“i don’t know. i guess one day i realized how much i liked being around you, how much i liked it whenever you smiled at me or took the time to listen to me.” he continues. this time yuto’s full on blushing, trying not to meet hyunggu’s eyes. hyunggu thinks it’s adorable.

“who would’ve thought that you’re such a softie?” hyunggu teases, laughing. and just like that, they fall into conversation, fall into their usual routine. nothing’s really changed, but it’s still different at the same time. hyunggu thinks he could get used to this. it’s still natural, talking to yuto. 

hyunggu would’ve sat there with him all day, but he knew the other members wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, so they end up slowly walking back to the dorms, hyunggu holding yuto’s hand.

hyunggu can’t help but shiver, the colder temperatures getting to him. yuto notices and unzips his jacket, tugging him closer so that they’re both covered, yuto’s arm moving around hyunggu’s waist.

“better?” he murmurs, and hyunggu nods immediately, his hands also finding their way to yuto’s waist. it’s a little awkward, and they have to time their steps so they don’t fall over, but hyunggu doesn’t mind. yuto doesn’t seem to mind either.

yuto stops at the convenience store near their dorms, insisting on buying hyunggu his favorite snacks. (he didn’t even let hyunggu argue this time) it’s such a small thing, yuto already knowing what his favorite snacks are without asking, but hyunggu thinks it’s so sweet. he kisses him on the cheek as they walk out, unable keep the smile off of his face. they continue back to the dorms, hyunggu leaning in towards yuto’s body, looking up at him whenever he isn’t paying attention.

originally, hyunggu had thought that yuto would go to more trouble for their first date, but the more he thinks about it, the more he’s glad that he didn’t. simplicity is more comfortable, he thinks. 

“thank you for today. i really liked it.” hyunggu admits, looking up at yuto, who’s smiling. 

“i’m glad.” he responds, leaning down to kiss hyunggu’s forehead gently. hyunggu blushes, enjoying the affection more than he’s willing to admit.

when they get back, hyunggu grabs some blankets and they join the rest of the members on the couch, squeezing in between hyojong and the arm rest. hyojong leans towards hyunggu, whispering something about how gross and mushy they are, but hyunggu sees him smiling when he turns back to face the screen.

they end up watching movies together, and hyunggu is glad to spend time with not only yuto but the rest of the members. it feels right. 

hyunggu eventually ends up grabbing yuto’s hand beneath the blanket, raising his eyebrows in his way of asking if this is okay. yuto nods, relaxing into his touch. he can feel him rubbing his thumb over his knuckles lightly, making him smile. hwitaek smiles over at them, mouthing, “cute,” before turning his attention back to the television. they stay up for hours, yuto relaxing into hyunggu’s touch enough to pull him closer. hongseok leans over, pinching hyunggu’s cheeks and mumbling something about how cute the younger members are, smiling endearingly. hyunggu rolls his eyes, pushing hongseok away. yuto instinctively tugs him closer, murmuring, “leave him alone.” hongseok laughs, heading back to his room.

yuto ends up staying with hyunggu that night, when everyone’s gone to sleep. he was hesitant on the basis of not wanting to annoy hyunggu, but it doesn’t take much for him to give in. (all it took was a couple of kisses from hyunggu) 

the next day, yuto makes plans with wooseok and hyojong, leaving hyunggu to deal with everyone else. he knows they’ve been dying to ask about everything going on with yuto, so the second he leaves with wooseok and hyojong, he braces himself, especially when hongseok asks him to help make lunch in the kitchen with some of the others.

“i know you’re all dying to ask, so just get it over with.” hyunggu mumbles, wondering if they could be any more obvious. 

changgu doesn’t even hesitate, already asking, “who confessed to who? and how?”

“yuto confessed to me after explaining why he was all weird around me the past week or so.” hyunggu replies, thinking that maybe this wasn’t going to be too bad. 

“you owe me.” yanan mumbles to changgu, and hyunggu raises an eyebrow, shooting him a pointed look. 

“we bet on who would confess first. i said it would be yuto, obviously, since you could see his pining from miles away. changgu thought it would be you.” yanan explains, trying to hold back his smile. hyunggu rolls his eyes, turning his attention back to the task at hand. 

“did you guys talk everything out?” jinho questions, coming to sit next to hyunggu.

“well, i mean, we got past the whole him not talking to me thing and mutually confessed. i’m not really sure what you mean.” hyunggu frowns, wondering if they missed anything. 

“did you talk about your relationship? what you guys want and don’t want? i know it’s early, but that’s kind of important.” jinho continues, casting a concerned look towards hyunggu, who looks away, lost in thought. they didn’t talk about it, but their standing had crossed hyunggu’s mind. 

“i guess you’re right. i just assumed we were on the same page.” hyunggu pours all of his attention into getting the food ready, not wanting to see jinho’s concerned face, even though he knows he’s right.

“ah, leave him alone. they’ll figure it out.” hwitaek lets out a laugh, squeezing hyunggu’s shoulder reassuringly. hyunggu covers hwitaek’s hand with his own, thankful for his presence, as always.

“oh my god.” shinwon starts, eyes wide. “have you guys kissed?” he continues, leaning on the countertop, waiting for hyunggu to a) blush or b) deny it. (hyunggu ends up blushing, but that’s not important)

everyone else looks over at him, also waiting. hyunggu nods sheepishly, unable to make eye contact with any of them. changgu grins, looking pleased. (according to yanan, he’d been waiting for them to get together, which explains everything)

“so this is what you guys do in your room.” shinwon snickers, eliciting a protest out of hyunggu, who thinks they’re purposely trying to embarrass him. 

“ahh, we’re just teasing. don’t worry too much.” shinwon adds after hyunggu’s reaction, ruffling his hair endearingly. 

hyunggu ends up finishing everything hongseok wanted him to do in silence, too lost in thought to participate in the conversation. 

—

hyunggu asks to talk to yuto when he returns with hyojong and wooseok, trying to pretend like he doesn’t see jinho giving him a reassuring smile. it makes him feel anxious, reminds him of the possibility that maybe yuto doesn’t want what he wants, that maybe there was a misunderstanding because they didn’t really talk about it. 

yuto sits on hyunggu’s bed, waiting for him to join. hyunggu fidgets nervously, eventually finding himself next to yuto, who automatically takes his hand in his own. hyunggu takes a deep breath, staring at their entwined hands. 

“are you okay? with us having a relationship, i mean? being more than friends, and whatnot.” he finally blurts out, anxiously awaiting yuto’s response.

“is that why you seem so nervous? because i’m okay with that. i’m _okay_ with us.” yuto responds, his hand moving to turn hyunggu’s face towards him. 

“i’m okay with everything. i want to be more than friends, as long as you do too.” he continues, eyes never leaving hyunggu’s. 

“of course i do.” hyunggu mumbles, earning a smile from yuto.

“good.”

“is this your way of asking me to be your boyfriend?” hyunggu asks, raising an eyebrow. yuto blushes almost immediately, nodding slightly. 

“if you want to be.” hyunggu rolls his eyes, grabbing yuto’s face in his hands.

“you’re unbelievable. of course i want to be your boyfriend. i like _you._ ” 

yuto is grinning stupidly. hyunggu thinks it’s beautiful, the way his eyes light up. he moves his hands from yuto’s face to his neck, leaning in to kiss him. it’s soft, the way hyunggu tilts his head, yuto’s hands resting on his waist. hyunggu feels like he can’t breathe, that light and airy feeling bubbling in his chest, making his heart race. 

yuto pulls away first, his hand coming to rest on hyunggu’s cheek. hyunggu wonders if this is how he’s supposed to feel, all drunk on kisses. drunk on yuto. it’s too early to feel this way, he thinks. too dangerous even, to give so much of himself to someone. it’s too late to go back, so he pulls yuto in for another kiss - just for good measure. 

he can’t describe it, can’t fully get across how _right_ yuto’s lips feel on his own, how his hands snake back to his waist. 

“is it okay if i...” hyunggu starts, pointing towards yuto’s lap. yuto’s eyes widen, and hyunggu, who goes red immediately, can tell he’s about to burst into laughter.

“oh my god. oh my god. not what i meant. i was asking if i could sit in your lap, not-“ he’s cut off by yuto pulling him into his lap, smiling at how flustered hyunggu got.

“i was just teasing.” yuto chuckles, tugging hyunggu even closer. 

hyunggu rolls his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time that day, his arms moving back around yuto’s neck. (it’s become a habit of his) 

“i already got enough of that from shinwon and the others.” he pouts for dramatic effect, and yuto laughs. it’s so pretty, the way he doesn’t even hold it back, especially when they’re together. it’s such a small thing to even notice, but hyunggu doesn’t even care.

“i’ll give them a piece of my mind.” yuto teases, still laughing. 

hyunggu shuts him up by moving in for another kiss, this one slightly less gentle than the others. yuto relaxes into his touch, trying to tug him even closer.

he’s a bit breathless when he pulls away, smiling the second he looks at yuto, who’s blushing a little. 

hyunggu knows it’s too soon, knows he’s falling way too hard for yuto’s smile and soft touches, but he can’t help himself, can’t help the fact that yuto is like a magnet and constantly pulling hyunggu towards him. but he likes it, likes the affection and late night talks and the hand holding, likes the way their bodies fit together when they cuddle. he likes the way his chest aches in the best way possible each time he catches yuto staring at him, likes everything there is to like about the boy next to him. 

hyunggu thinks it’s a little too perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps should i drag this out or end it soon because i could do either but im not too sure,,,,,,


	5. yuto can’t stop falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuto realizes this is harder than he thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this gets Sad i blame the violet mvhdjdj but uh anyways this is me trying to drag out the fic because the yuki tag is so dead ur welcome for the shitty content i guess (also happy thanksgiving if u celebrate i appreciate all of u muah)

yuto knows. he knows it’s all moving too fast as the weeks pass, that they’re way too attached. he’s falling way too fast, dizzy and breathless. he can tell by the looks the others give him that they know too, but he can’t go back. can’t slow down, unless he wants them to crash and burn. 

he thinks about it more than he should, how they’re like a candle burning too brightly, too quickly, worries about it when it’s late and hyunggu’s already asleep, worn out. wonders if they’re doing the right thing, if hiding is worth it. wonders if the risks outweigh everything else.

and the next thing he knows their schedules start up again, leaving no time for anything but messy makeout sessions backstage in tiny closets, both of them flushed and disoriented afterwards. it’s those moments yuto finds himself craving when they’re filming or doing another interview, missing hyunggu’s touch more and more. they’re always near each other, close enough to touch, but it’s different. everything is different. they’re never really together, and even when they are, they can’t touch, can’t kiss or be obvious about what’s going on. yuto thinks that’s the part that hurts him the most.

each time he feels like he’s drifting farther and farther away from hyunggu, from _them_ , (it’s funny how yuto’s already started using ‘them’ to describe him and hyunggu) hyunggu rests his hand on his thigh or grabs yuto’s hand in his own, and the ball of doubt and insecurity lodged in yuto’s chest just unravels, something much lighter replacing it. it’s what keeps him going, he thinks, those small touches, the ones that he misses. 

hyunggu must’ve noticed his doubts and anxiousness, because the second they end up with some spare time back at the dorms, he brings it up.

they’re laying down in yuto’s bed, hyunggu tucked close to yuto, facing the other way. yuto didn’t realize how much he missed having his arms around hyunggu, how much he missed resting his chin on hyunggu’s shoulder, not until he actually got to do it again. 

“we’re okay, right?” hyunggu asks quietly, voice wavering.

“more than okay.” yuto reassures, tracing shapes on the valley of hyunggu’s hips, who relaxes a little. he regrets saying it, but he doesn’t want to trouble hyunggu with his own worries.

“i just, i don’t know, i feel like we aren’t the same anymore. because of schedules, and whatnot. you just seemed so, discouraged, i guess. i’m sorry. i don’t know why it’s bugging me so much.” he continues, voice muffled by the blanket. yuto knows he’s on the verge of tears.

“it’s been hard, i guess. not seeing you, or being able to be near you. i got a little discouraged, but that was just my insecurities taking over. i didn’t mean to worry you. i should be the one apologizing.” yuto admits, sighing a little.

hyunggu pushes yuto’s hands from his waist, moving to face him.

“schedules are already hard enough as it is without us dating. it’s _okay._ i get it. just, talk to me, please. because i know. this is hard. hiding, not seeing each other. talking will get us through this.” it’s almost fierce, the way hyunggu is speaking to him. 

“okay. okay. i’ll be better about it. just, do the same, okay? i’ll make time for you somehow.” yuto wants their relationship to go both ways, to have both of them be open and talk to each other. he wants to share hyunggu’s burden, wants to support and reassure him. he knows hyunggu feels the same way about him. he knows. 

things get a little easier after that night. they manage, somehow, finding time to vent and admit that this was much harder than they thought it would be, that it takes more effort and energy. it’s not perfect, because they’re human, and no amount of talking can keep them from messing up, from getting frustrated and crying. but they make it work. 

it’s the small things that keep yuto going.

hyunggu smiling at him from across the studio, hyunggu leaning on his shoulder in car rides, hands entwined delicately. hyunggu pulling him away when no one’s looking, sometimes just to kiss him, sometimes to talk, no matter how brief it is. (mostly to kiss, though)

a whole month passes before they have a weekend off, all of them exhausted and pushed to the edge. yuto isn’t sure who’s more relieved. 

yuto wakes up to a quiet dorm, something he hasn’t woken up to in what feels like years. he carefully slips out of hyunggu’s grasp, making sure not to wake him, knowing how tired he’s been lately. he makes his way around the dorm, looking for any signs of the other members. he finds a note from hwitaek instead, and he doesn’t even bother to wonder why he didn’t text him instead, just reads it and smiles to himself. they have the dorm to themselves, courtesy of everyone else. 

yuto decides to make breakfast for hyunggu, returning the favor hyunggu did for him all those weeks ago. he smiles to himself, hoping hyunggu doesn’t wake up so he can surprise him. (he finally understands why hyunggu wanted him to wait that day) he’s not the best cook so it ends up taking forever even though it’s something simple, but he hopes hyunggu appreciates the effort anyways. 

when he walks back into their room, hyunggu is blinking sleepily, looking for yuto. he smiles the second he spots him, his smile only growing when he sees what yuto’s holding in his hands.

“for me?” hyunggu’s eyes widen, and yuto grins, nodding immediately. 

“it’s not the best, because i’m not really a cook, but i get an a for effort, right?” he begins, smiling when hyunggu thanks him.

“everyone else went out for the day, you know. so we could spend some time together.” yuto continues, watching the way hyunggu’s eyes light up. he can’t describe it, how much he missed this, how much he missed seeing hyunggu so rested and happy.

they don’t end up doing much, lounging on the couch for most of the day, hyunggu seated between yuto’s legs, the members teasing them endlessly when they get back. (yuto thinks that hyunggu secretly enjoys it, but chooses not to mention it) hyunggu slyly whispers something about going back to his room, ensuing even more teasing, but yuto can’t even bother to be embarrassed. he’s missed hyunggu too much to even think about about it.

“i’ve missed you.” hyunggu mumbles when they get into his room, pressing kisses alongside yuto’s jaw, his hands moving to yuto’s neck. (yuto still doesn’t know why he likes that so much)

“i know.” he responds in between kisses, his own hands on hyunggu’s hips. 

they end up lazily kissing for what feels like forever, both of them having missed each others touch. yuto feels like every nerve in his body is on edge. 

yuto stays in hyunggu’s room for the rest of the night. it’s nothing new.

on the contrary, they actually leave the dorms on sunday, hyunggu unable to contain his excitement. yuto has to fight the urge to kiss him every couple of minutes, thinking about how cute hyunggu gets when he’s all excited.

they just walk around for the most part, enjoying each others company. hyunggu tugs him into the nearest restaurant when it starts to snow, saying that he’s hungry anyways. it’s quiet and empty for the most part, making yuto feel even more comfortable. hyunggu doesn’t even bother sitting across from him, sliding into the booth right next to him. a small part of yuto wants to protest on the basis that someone might see them, but then hyunggu leans into him, and whatever he was going to say dies in his throat. he smiles, sliding an arm around hyunggu to keep him warm because he’s always _so_ cold, even when it’s warm outside. hyunggu has this running joke that he has his own personal heater with him wherever he goes, and it’s lame and not that big of a deal, but it still makes yuto smile. hyunggu’s still shivering, despite having been inside for quite a while now, so yuto covers his hands with his own to keep him warm until their food comes.

neither of them planned the day out, so after lunch they decide to walk around some more, popping into a tiny shop every now and then whenever hyunggu sees something that catches his attention. yuto tries to buy him one of the trinkets, but hyunggu protests each time, so he decides not to. instead, yuto tries to remember at least some of the stuff that hyunggu seemed to like, that way he can go back when he shops for christmas presents. (he has his eye on the journal hyunggu was looking at earlier, mumbling something about how he needs to write his lyrics down _somewhere_ )

when they get back to the dorms, yuto can’t help but notice that something feels wrong. hyunggu must notice it too, because he frowns, looking back at yuto, who just shrugs in return. yuto decides to see if everything’s okay, telling hyunggu he’ll be right back before walking down the hall. he hears murmuring and what sounds like sniffles and crying coming from his room, so he opens the door quietly, peeking inside carefully to see what’s up.

it’s wooseok. wooseok is crying, and yuto doesn’t know why, doesn’t know what’s troubling him but the sight alone is enough to make the ache in his chest return. some of the other members are gathered around his bed, reassuring him. yuto’s first instinct is to comfort him, and he moves to do so, but jinho shakes his head. an uneasy feeling spreads through yuto, leaving him cold and shaky. hongseok gently pushes him into the hallway, closing the door as quietly as possible. 

“is he okay?” yuto asks almost immediately, guilt already pooling in the pit of his stomach.

“he’s...” hongseok hesitates, and yuto resists the urge to push past him back into the room.

“he’s okay. he just wants to be alone, you know? give him the space he’s asking for.” hongseok continues, eyes avoiding his.

“you’re lying. i _know_ wooseok, and i know you.” yuto doesn’t understand what it could possibly be, why hongseok would even bother hiding it from him. it’s wooseok. wooseok. they know each other so well, fit together so well, almost like they were made to be friends. 

“just, don’t. please. he’ll tell you when he’s-“ hongseok stops when he hears the door open, a teary eyed wooseok standing there. yuto can tell he’s shaking.

“can i, can we talk?” he mumbles half heartedly, pointing towards yuto. the other members exchange glances, and yuto gives them all a weird look as he steps in, meeting wooseok on the edge of his bed. he knows something must be horribly wrong. 

wooseok doesn’t speak. not when the members are still there, not even when they leave. he just kind of sits there, still crying. yuto tries to put one of his arms around him, but wooseok flinches automatically, so he pulls away, the ache in his chest growing. he can’t recall a time when wooseok ever rejected him like that. 

he doesn’t know how much time has passed when wooseok finally speaks.

“you didn’t do anything wrong, you know. i’m just, i can’t. i can’t do this. because i like you. i’ve liked you for ages. and i swallowed my feelings, helped you with hyunggu because i wanted to see you happy. i knew it was the right thing to do, that there was no _use_ in confessing, but it still hurts to breathe when i see you with him. and it’s horrible of me. it’s not fair of me, because you’re the happiest you’ve ever been with him. and i want you to be happy, but god, i don’t know. i don’t know. you’re my best friend. i don’t want to lose you. i don’t know what to do. i like you. i wish i didn’t. i really do. i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry.” wooseok is rambling, hands shaking and eyes never meeting yuto’s.

yuto doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to comfort him, how to keep him steady. he feels horrible, for letting wooseok down, for being so oblivious to his feelings, for everything.

“i’m sorry.” he breathes out eventually, earning a laugh from wooseok. 

“there’s nothing to apologize for. you didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, except be blissfully ignorant. i just wanted to let you know since it was too much to handle. i’ll leave now, though. don’t worry.” wooseok doesn’t look at him, doesn’t slow down, doesn’t do anything but walk out. yuto isn’t sure what he was expecting. 

he just sits there in silence, staring across the room. he doesn’t notice when he starts crying, but he can’t be bothered to stop.

deep down, a part of him knew. knew that wooseok didn’t act the way he did around him with any of the other members, knew that the way he looked at him was different. he shoved it all down, pushed him away, his thoughts always going back to hyunggu. he pushed all of that away for his own selfish reasons, wooseok hurting all the meanwhile. 

yuto’s guilt absorbs him, reminds him of all the times wooseok listened to yuto, comforted him, hugged him, encouraged him. he swallowed his feelings for yuto. so that he could be happy. he pushed away his happiness for yuto. the thought makes yuto want to yell at him, to tell him how ridiculous it was for him to put someone else’s happiness before his own, because that’s how you get hurt. but he can’t, because yuto’s doing the same thing with hyunggu. he can’t, because they’re more than just a group, and they have to look out after each other, no matter the consequences. as much as he wants to be angry, he can’t. yuto tried to do the same thing with hyunggu, tried to swallow his feelings.

he doesn’t hear hyunggu come in, doesn’t feel him lace their fingers together. he’s too lost in thought.

“i don’t want to lose my best friend.” he eventually says, voice cracking.

“i know. it’ll be okay. it’ll work out.” hyunggu squeezes his hand reassuringly, trying to give him a smile.

yuto wishes he could believe him, wishes he could dump all of the memories swirling around his head in hyunggu’s lap, so that he can see that it’s not okay, that it won’t be okay.

“hyunggu, i don’t...” yuto starts, voice trailing off. he shuts his eyes, feeling the way his tears stain his cheeks. he vaguely feels hyunggu rubbing his back, resting his chin on yuto’s shoulder comfortingly. 

eventually, yuto just curls up on his bed, hyunggu hugging him from behind. 

“i feel so bad, hyunggu. a part of me subconsciously knew, and you were still all i could think about, all i could talk about. and he still listened. he still told me to confess. god. i’m horrible. i should’ve realized this before. i don’t wanna lose him. i don’t deserve him, but i still don’t wanna lose him. i’m so selfish. i _hurt_ him. i don’t have the right to say that.” yuto doesn’t even bother wiping his tears anymore, just lets them fall. 

“don’t do that. don’t beat yourself up.” hyunggu pleads, and yuto knows he has a point, but he can’t stop. he wishes he can.

he doesn’t know if wooseok ever comes back because he ends up falling asleep out of exhaustion, hyunggu still holding him. sleeping makes it easier, he thinks, easier to ignore the guilt, to pretend like everything’s okay.

he misses wooseok already.


	6. yuto and hyunggu slip through the cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuto and hyunggu have their first fight. (sort of) they work it out, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a Little angsty i tried to make it more realistic im not sure if it worked but yeah yuto n hyunggu are both messes but they balance each other out?? its nice anyways im so attached to this fic idk how im gonna end it ALSO finals are coming up so ill either update a bunch before if i have time or itll be a while before i update :( but i hope u guys are enjoying this so far ive never posted any of my writing before n seeing people say they like it makes me so Happy tbh ANYWAYSJD kudos n comments are always always very much appreciated thank uuu ♡♡♡

yuto’s torn.

the selfish part of him wants wooseok back, wants them to go back to their old routine, wants to tease him like nothing ever happened, and the less selfish, more aware part of him wants to give wooseok the space he deserves, and he won’t admit it, but a minuscule part of him wants to tell hyunggu that _maybe,_ just maybe, they should tone things down - for wooseok’s sake, but he doesn’t. he doesn’t, because he knows how insecure and unsure of himself hyunggu can be, because hyunggu admitted one night during one of their talks that he feels like he’ll never be _him._ (yuto tried to convince him otherwise, tried everything to tell him how wrong he was, but the words got stuck in his throat) so he stays quiet, pretending like he doesn’t notice the way wooseok’s face falls each time hyunggu grabs his hand.

yuto’s almost relieved when hongseok pulls them aside one day, suggesting as nicely as possible that they maybe keep it down.

“for wooseok, you mean.” it’s not a question, more of hyunggu’s way of accepting defeat. he drops yuto’s hand almost immediately, not making eye contact with him. yuto can still tell that his eyes are glassy, his breathing shaky. he knows hyunggu’s trying to keep it together, his stubborn side making an appearance. hongseok’s expression is pained, like he wants to tell them to just go for it, to forget wooseok, but knows he can’t, can’t put them before wooseok. not this time.

hyunggu doesn’t touch him for the rest of the day, doesn’t look at him or make small talk, choosing to cling to the other members instead. on the other hand, yuto notices wooseok smiling for the first time, and he’s wondering if it’s worth it, if not being so open with hyunggu is the right thing to do. he feels guilty, like he’s the one who suggested it, not hongseok, but it doesn’t matter. part of him knows he should’ve fought, should’ve said something on hyunggu’s behalf, but he didn’t want to hurt wooseok even more so as a result, he hurt hyunggu.

each time hyunggu smiles like everything’s okay, yuto feels his chest ache. his mind goes back to one of their talks, one of the more vulnerable and open ones. 

_“i get insecure sometimes too, you know. i try not to let it show, because i see it as a weakness, but it happens. i know i’m not..”_

__

__

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_“wooseok.” yuto finishes, and he feels hyunggu stiffen in his arms._

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__

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_“you’re right. you’re not him, but that’s okay. that’s okay, hyunggu. i like..” yuto struggles to find the right words, but hyunggu is patient, and waits for him to figure it out._

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__

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_“i wish you weren’t insecure. i wish i could make you feel more sure of where you stand with me, with us, but i’m not good at this, not good with words or expressing myself. i just hope it’s clear how much you mean to me, whether you’re like wooseok or not.”_

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_“i know, i know, but it’s just... i lose sight of that sometimes. i don’t mean to. i don’t feel good enough for you.” he admits, voice cracking._

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_he holds hyunggu’s face in his hands, kissing his tears away, all the while mumbling encouraging phrases in between, trying to calm him down._

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_hyunggu ends up falling asleep in his arms, leaving yuto with his thoughts racing._

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yuto almost loses it right there, in the middle of their schedule. he can feel the lump in his throat form, his hands shaking and eyes burning with tears. he feels so far away from hyunggu, from wooseok, and he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to get them back. he pulls himself together when he notices the other members look concerned, not wanting to burden any of them any more than he already does.

__

he tries to talk to hyunggu when they get back to the dorms, only to be shrugged off with a curt, “can’t talk. wooseok might see.” yuto lets out a frustrated sigh, reaching out to grab hyunggu’s hand to get him to slow down, to get him to stop and hear yuto out, but he’s too far away, already going down the hall without a second glance, and the realization pains him, sends his brain into overdrive, uneasiness and sadness filling his every thought once again. 

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he joins hwitaek on the couch, resting his head on his shoulder so he can mope properly. 

__

“relationship problems?” hwitaek asks, trying to hold back his smile. yuto almost whines in response, not really ready to acknowledge that he and hyunggu are already having problems. hwitaek lifts his arm from the couch, letting yuto curl up right next to him.

__

“you guys are gonna be okay, you know.” hwitaek murmurs, hand moving to play with yuto’s hair, a gesture of affection he commonly uses with him.

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“we’d be okay if hyunggu actually let me _talk_ to him.” yuto protests, practically shooting up from the couch to glare at hwitaek, even though he didn’t do anything wrong. the latter just stares, raising an eyebrow at him. yuto slumps back next to him, embarrassed.

__

“if i know hyunggu at all, he’s probably losing it too. he’s so used to talking to you, to being around you, that this is probably killing him too, even though it hasn’t even been that long.” hwitaek finally responds, voice soft and comforting. 

__

“just give him some space for a couple of hours. let him think about everything. you guys are gonna be fine by tomorrow.” hwitaek continues, his hand making his way around yuto’s waist, the feeling even more comforting than his words. 

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“i know, but isn’t it just so...”

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“soon? no, not really. i think it’s healthy to fight, in a way. this way you guys talk about what makes you upset or angry instead of pushing it away and blowing up weeks later. of course, if it ends up happening frequently, and it’s manipulative or negative in any other aspect, then yeah, you should be concerned, but that’s not the case. you’re okay. hyunggu’s okay.” hwitaek muses, looking over at him. 

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“you always know what to say.” yuto smiles up at him, grateful. 

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“it’s my job.” hwitaek jokes, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. 

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yuto waits until the other members are all gathered in the living room a couple of hours later (with the exception of hyunggu) before finally deciding to go talk to him. hwitaek wishes him good luck, smiling up at him from the couch. yuto notices the way wooseok watches his every movement, eyes falling once he realizes where he’s going. yuto thinks about how he’s running back to hyunggu, leaving wooseok all alone, and winces. he continues walking anyways, pushing the thought away for now.

__

he’s back in front of hyunggu’s door, the situation so eerily familiar from that night three months ago. he knocks, opening the door slowly when there isn’t a response. 

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“hyunggu?” he whispers, carefully stepping inside. it’s funny, how they’re back in this position. it’s so similar, but so different. yuto’s the one who messed up, just like last time, but now hyunggu’s the one shutting him out.

__

yuto finds himself on the edge of hyunggu’s bed, this time waiting for hyunggu to explain, to say something, anything to him.

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“aren’t you worried wooseok might see us?” hyunggu mumbles from under the pile of blankets, shifting so that he’s facing away from yuto, who pretends like the action doesn’t hurt, doesn’t make his chest ache for hyunggu. 

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“hyunggu...” he begins, only to be cut off with a sharp, “what?” from hyunggu, who angrily sits up, finally facing yuto. 

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yuto’s breath hitches, whatever he was going to say lost in his throat because hyunggu’s eyes are all red and puffy, and yuto can’t bear the thought that he made him so upset. he just stares at him dumbly, mouth half open. 

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“aren’t you gonna say anything?” hyunggu finally asks, this time looking less angry and more concerned.

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“i was but the second i opened my mouth, i realized that i don’t know what to say.” yuto murmurs sheepishly, fidgeting with his hands nervously. 

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“if you’re not gonna say anything, you might as well leave, i guess.” hyunggu frowns right after the words spill out of his mouth, yuto’s eyes widening slightly.

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“no, no i, uh, i know. i know what i want to say.” yuto starts again, trying to meet hyunggu’s gaze.

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“i know. i know i should’ve at least tried to reason with hongseok. i know it’s not fair, having to uh, compromise like this. i didn’t want to hurt you. that wasn’t my intention. it never was. agreeing with hongseok, i mean. i should’ve said something. i didn’t mean to cause this.” yuto doesn’t know where he’s going with this, doesn’t know what he’s saying, but he hopes hyunggu understands.

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“it’s not fair, you know. having to keep it down because of him. that’s what the selfish, horrible side of me says.” hyunggu responds, finally meeting yuto’s gaze.

__

yuto can feel the frustration bubble up inside of him, threatening to spill. he remembers what hwitaek said earlier, and decides not to let the emotions fester.

__

“well, it’s not fair to _him_ either, is it? having to watch us?” yuto’s voice is cold, and he sees hyunggu wince, eyes quickly falling away from him. yuto knows he should stop while he’s at it, but the words spills out of his mouth before he can even think about it.

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“he helped me with you. he could’ve avoided it, made up some excuse, but he didn’t. he wanted me to be happy. and you can’t keep your hands to yourself long enough for him to get himself together, can’t stand the thought that you have to sacrifice something so that it’s a little easier for him, so that he can be happy too?” yuto doesn’t want to be harsh, doesn’t want to make things even worse, but it’s tiring, keeping everything to himself. he’s always been quiet, and that quietness came hand in hand with swallowing his words, his thoughts and feelings. he’s tired, so tired.

__

“i mean, it’s the least you could do, right? look out for him the way he looks out for everyone else? isn’t it hard? being the youngest and carrying such a burden?” yuto continues, trying to ignore the cold feeling spreading throughout his chest, leaving him hollow.

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“i just, don’t want to hurt him any more than i already have, hyunggu. you have to understand that. please.” yuto bites his lip, hoping he didn’t completely ruin things with hyunggu. the thought alone leaves him anxious. hyunggu fiddles with the blankets, not looking at yuto or saying anything. yuto feels like an entire year has gone by when hyunggu finally speaks.

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“you’re right.” he whispers. his voice is small, almost like he’s ashamed of himself. 

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“you’re right.” he repeats, looking up at yuto this time.

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“i didn’t mean to be harsh or anything. i’m sorry if i was.” yuto apologizes. the guilt’s back, gnawing away at his insides. yuto thinks it’s eventually going to leave him empty.

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“it’s okay. i deserved it, i guess. it was wrong of me to get so upset and push you away. i know i only did it today, but still.” 

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“you didn’t deserve it, no matter how upset i might’ve been.” yuto protests, frowning slightly.

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“can we just..” hyunggu looks so tired, like he doesn’t even want to bother arguing. yuto feels shitty immediately, the guilt almost overwhelming. 

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“i’m sorry.” it’s weird, yuto thinks, how often the words fall from his and hyunggu’s lips. a part of him knows it probably isn’t healthy, that “i’m sorry” isn’t a fix, that it can’t fix whatever problem they’re running from. it’s okay, though. they’ll figure it out. they’re young. they have time, right?

__

he leans forward to press his lips to hyunggu's temple, moving down to his cheeks, kissing away his tears, once again. hyunggu looks grateful that yuto didn't try to convince him otherwise, and offers him the smallest smile when yuto pulls back, blushing. (he wonders if there'll ever be a time when he doesn't blush while kissing hyunggu)

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"does this count as our first fight?" hyunggu laughs, looking up at yuto, who is unsure of how to respond. he doesn't want to mess things up, doesn't want the words that come out of his mouth to hurt hyunggu in any way. (isn't that dangerous? to think so carefully of one person? yuto can't bring himself to care) hyunggu seems to notice what he's thinking.

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"you don't have to hold back, you know. that's why you said all that, right? because you were tired of keeping it all inside of you? you don't have to do that, not around me. i know that's what you're doing right now, even though it was just a simple question, and my way of breaking the weird tension between us." hyunggu states, his voice steady and sure. yuto relaxes almost immediately, grateful that hyunggu can read him like an open book, no matter how closed off he can be. 

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"i just didn't want to mess things up again." yuto mumbles, cheeks red from embarrassment. 

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"you're overthinking."

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"i know."

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"we have a long way to go. we’re both messes.” hyunggu laughs, eyes softening and dimples appearing. yuto decides that's what he missed the most today. seeing hyunggu laugh.

“we’re an even bigger mess together.” yuto jokes, eliciting a giggle from hyunggu.

“we’ll work it out. it’s us.” hyunggu states firmly, seriousness taking over his features. yuto nods, clinging onto the hope that hyunggu’s right.

he leaves hyunggu’s room soon after, telling him that he should probably go talk to wooseok, or at least see how he’s doing. hyunggu’s face doesn’t fall this time, looking more concerned than anything. 

yuto finds wooseok still in the living room, everyone else too distracted to notice him walking over.

“is it okay if i,” yuto gestures at the seat next to him, “sit here?” he finishes, hoping wooseok doesn’t just ignore him or leave. instead, he nods, even smiling a little when yuto sits down.

“thank you for giving me some space.” wooseok speaks first, and yuto tries not to show his surprise, offering a smile instead.

“of course. i didn’t, uh, want to make things any worse. i thought it’d be...” his voice trails off as he realizes that’s all wooseok wanted to say, attention already drifting elsewhere. yuto sees jinho’s reassuring smile out of the corner of his eye, and he feels relieved.

it’s okay, yuto thinks. they’ll make it, one small step at a time.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps im thinking of writing more yuki stuff n posting it after this fic (maybe even before i finish because i have No Self Control) since the tag is so dead i figure i might as well do the world a favor as a yuki supremacist n elitist


	7. yuto gives in to hyunggu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuto lets every inch, every fiber, every being of his body fall for hyunggu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo this is the last chapter?? (thats why its a little longer) maybe?? i wasnt planning to end it but i rly like the way this chapter turned out n i dont wanna continue it only to ruin the entire story but yeah!!!! ihope u guys enjoyed reading this as much as i liked writing it :) kudos n comments are always appreciated i rly like seeing what people think of my work

things slowly go back to normal, more or less. wooseok’s gone back to making small talk with yuto, even smiling occasionally. he still picks up on the hesitation laced into his words, but it feels so insignificant. all that really matters to him is that they’re making progress. he’s missed him. 

hyunggu takes him out on their third official date, this time to a quiet bookstore tucked away from the more busier, crowded streets. yuto’s never really gone on a date like this, but hyunggu is so excited, talking about all the books he wants to show him and how cute the store is the entire way there, so he knows it’s going to be hard to not enjoy it. yuto keeps an arm around hyunggu’s waist the entire time, holding him close so he stays warm. it’s gotten freezing lately, and despite the fact, they still walk everywhere, cheeks flushed and hands cold. 

“it’s so cute, i promise. i know you’ve never been on a date like this, but i know you’ll like it.” hyunggu rambles, tugging on yuto’s sleeve excitedly. 

“we can go get coffee, afterwards too. just like our first date.” he continues, looking up at yuto. his eyes are so bright and warm, yuto can’t help but smile at him, butterflies swirling through his stomach. (he wonders if the feeling’s ever going to fade)

“or, _or_ we could get hot chocolate, because it’s winter and perfect, right?” hyunggu gets even more excited, smile widening as he looks up to see what yuto thinks.

“whatever you want.” yuto smiles, resisting the urge to kiss him.

hyunggu’s right. yuto actually really likes the bookstore, the warm, quiet atmosphere relaxing and comforting. he feels at home, especially with hyunggu around. it’s so _right,_ walking down the aisles, hyunggu’s fingers laced with his own. he can’t help but admire everything, book lover or not. 

they end up tucking themselves into a corner together after they wandered around separately, picking and choosing books they found interesting.

“oh my gosh. yuto, look. this sounds so good.” hyunggu’s pointing to one of the books he picked out, and yuto leans over to see what it’s about. 

“do you want it?” he asks, looking back towards hyunggu, who nods almost immediately before realizing why yuto’s asking, but yuto’s already gotten up, tentatively grabbing the book before telling hyunggu he’ll be right back. he pointedly ignores hyunggu’s protests, wanting to do something nice for him.

the woman at the counter is so sweet, telling him that she hopes he enjoys the book, all the while smiling at him. she evens asks if it’s for his _friend,_ winking afterwards. yuto stutters out a response, blushing, and makes his way back to hyunggu, who sighs when he sees the little bag in yuto’s hand.

“don’t give me that look.” yuto mumbles, gingerly placing the bag next to hyunggu.

“you shouldn’t have.” hyunggu protests, a slight pout forming on his features.

“it’s nothing, really. anything to make you happy.” yuto assures, offering hyunggu another smile. (he can tell he’s excited to read the book anyways) they stay like that for a while, hyunggu resting his head on yuto’s shoulder, legs tucked into his chest. 

“you know, i don’t really think we’re supposed to do this. read the books without buying them, i mean.” yuto whispers at one point, looking towards the front of the store.

“how do you know i’m not gonna buy all of them?” hyunggu retorts, lifting his head from yuto’s shoulder to look at him. yuto rolls his eyes, knowing full well that no matter how much hyunggu may love books, he’d never buy that many at once. 

“whatever you say.” yuto snickers, focusing his attention back to the book in front of him. hyunggu mumbles something, returning back to his original position on the couch.

long story short, they both lose track of time. it’s not until yuto sneaks a glance at a window that he realizes it’s getting dark outside.

“hyunggu, i think we should get going.”

“what? why?” it’s not until hyunggu follows yuto’s gaze that the realization hits him. he puts down the book he’s holding, asking, “is it really that late?” after checking the time on his phone. yuto laughs a little, carefully picking up as many books as he can. hyunggu helps him, both of them putting the books back in the general area where they belong. 

they hurry back to the dorms, stopping only to buy hot chocolate, as per hyunggu’s request. they try to enter quietly, so no one notices, but almost everyone is gathered in the living room, eyes focused on the screen in front of them until they walk in. 

“what are we watching this time?” hyunggu asks, already making his way over to the couch, squeezing his way next to changgu. yuto opts to sit on the floor, right below hyunggu, whose hands automatically move to play with his hair. 

“some drama changgu picked out.” yanan responds, scrunching his nose in a look of disdain. changgu rolls his eyes, mumbling a quiet, “it’s not that bad,” earning a laugh from hyunggu. yanan says something in response, and the two drift off into their own little world, changgu smiling at yanan the entire time. (yuto doesn’t understand why, but he figures it’s because yanan has changgu wrapped around his finger)

yuto’s gaze drifts to hyojong, who is pressed up against hwitaek, their hands entwined. yuto can’t stop himself from smiling, finding the whole scene endearing. he spots jinho and hongseok tucked towards the end of the couch, jinho’s head resting on hongseok’s chest. they seem to be lost in conversation, both of them smiling every once in a while. he sees wooseok on the floor a couple of feet away from him, hands absentmindedly playing with shinwon’s hair, who’s sitting next to him.

yuto thinks his heart is going to burst, seeing everyone look _so_ content and happy. it’s all he ever wanted for them - to grow and be comfortable around each other. it’s not surprising, that they’re so okay with this sense of closeness. having hyunggu here, his touch always reminding yuto of his presence, only strengthens the feeling. 

he’s snapped out of his thoughts by hyunggu tapping his shoulder, asking if he can join him on the floor. yuto wants to protest, because it’s honestly not that comfortable, but hyunggu’s already scrambling down. he ends up on yuto’s lap, who doesn’t complain, not even when hyojong starts teasing them, laughing as hyunggu goes red. yuto holds back his smile, letting hyunggu latch his arms around his waist and hide his face in his chest. yuto presses his lips to the top of hyunggu’s head, unable to resist any longer.

yuto doesn’t realize hyunggu’s fallen asleep until the episode is over and some of them get up, ready to go to bed. he quietly asks hyunggu if he wants to go too, only to get no response, so he compromises, carefully trying to scoop hyunggu into his arms. he has difficulty standing, almost falling multiple times, earning laughter from changgu, who finds the whole scenario hilarious. 

“you’re gonna have the same problem.” yuto grumbles, staring pointedly at yanan, who fell asleep practically on top of changgu, apparently more clingy in his sleep. he makes his way to hyunggu’s room, kicking the door open with his foot. he places hyunggu onto his bed, covering him with a blanket. he moves to stand, but he bangs his knee on the frame of the bed, causing hyunggu to stir. yuto freezes, hoping he didn’t wake him.

“yuto?” he mumbles sleepily, slowly blinking his eyes open. 

“sorry. i hit my leg. i didn’t mean to wake you.” yuto whispers, wishing he wasn’t so clumsy. he feels bad for waking him. 

“s’okay. can you stay with me?” hyunggu manages to smile through his tiredness, holding out an arm to tug yuto closer. hyunggu’s sleepy voice makes yuto’s heart race, more than he’d like to admit.

“of course.” yuto murmurs, quietly slipping besides hyunggu, who shifts to hold yuto in his arms. they don’t do this often, because yuto is so tall and hyunggu is the one who prefers to be cuddled, but yuto secretly enjoys it. he’s never really said anything, mainly because he’d rather make hyunggu happy than let hyunggu do the same for him. he knows it’s stupid, but he doesn’t care.

it doesn’t take long for yuto to relax, with hyunggu’s head resting in the crook of his back, arms loosely wrapped around his waist. he’s curled up into a ball, already forgotten what he meant to originally do. yuto carefully removes his arms, moving to wrap hyunggu in his arms, and it’s like two puzzle pieces clicking into place. it’s right, holding hyunggu like this. he doesn’t know how to explain it, only knows that he’s never felt _so_ fufilled, being with hyunggu. 

in all honesty, yuto wasn’t expecting this. he wasn’t expecting to even _like_ hyunggu in the first place, because if he’s being honest, he tends to be a little closed off, ignoring his emotions whenever they decide to make an appearance. but then hyunggu came into his life, so beautiful and warm and filled with everything good in the world, and yuto found himself falling before he even realized it.

he certainly wasn’t expecting to _date_ him. sure, he’d messed around and gone on dates when he was younger, but it’d all felt wrong, like something was missing. but hyunggu, _hyunggu,_ made yuto feel more than complete. being with him was everything he could’ve asked for, and so much more.

the most surprising part was that hyunggu liked him, liked him despite his shortcomings and flaws, despite how un-lovable yuto constantly thought of himself as. he doesn’t know how explain it, what its like to have someone accept all of the small things you consistently hate about yourself, to care for you despite all the negativity there is to focus on. that doesn’t necessarily mean that yuto doesn’t ever feel unsteady, like they’re walking on thin ice, like hyunggu’s getting tired of reassuring him and looking after him. but they always talk it out, yuto laying out his thoughts and feelings for hyunggu in a way he’s never really done for anyone.

he’s building a home in hyunggu, and he knows it’s unsafe, that it could crash and burn any moment, but he keeps building it, brick by brick. layer by layer. he could stay here forever, he thinks.

in the end, yuto decides that he’s probably in love. a nagging thought reminds him that its only been a couple of months, (four, maybe?) and three real dates, but he pushes it away because their schedules don’t allow for dates, and yuto considers just being with hyunggu a date, so it doesn’t count. besides, it’s not like he’s planning on telling hyunggu any time soon. he doesn’t want to scare him or even worse, lose him. sure, yuto’s made progress by admitting his feelings to hyunggu and getting this far, but this is a milestone he can’t bring himself to do. not yet, at least.

so he keeps it to himself, wondering until he falls asleep, hyunggu’s body tucked as closely to his as possible, their arms and legs entangled. 

he wakes up to a soft, “g’morning” from hyunggu, who turns to kiss yuto on the cheek. yuto places a hand under hyunggu’s chin, tilting his face so he can kiss him properly. he doesn’t do that often, usually leaving the initiation of affection up to hyunggu, who holds true to that by practically rolling on top of yuto to kiss him in response. yuto tucks his fingers under hyunggu’s belt loops, pulling him closer. he's surprised at himself, since he leaves that kind of stuff up to hyunggu, not usually trusting himself enough.

he's pulled out of his thoughts by hyunggu moving to place open mouthed kisses down yuto’s jaw and neck, who sucks in his breath sharply, not expecting him to do this so early in the morning. he can feel the blush creeping up on his cheeks, especially when hyunggu pulls back to smile sweetly at him, like he’s blissfully unaware of the effect he has on yuto. they kiss until their lips are swollen, a couple of _baby's_ falling from his lips when hyunggu does something particularly good, and him smiling in response. (yuto learns that hyunggu may or may not enjoy being called baby a little _too_ much)

hyunggu’s hand ends up trailing to the edge of yuto’s shirt, whose eyes widen when he understands what he’s asking.

“you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.” hyunggu murmurs when he notices yuto's expression, leaning back down to entwine their hands briefly. 

“it’s okay.” yuto stutters, and he thinks the blush making its way up his cheeks is never going to fade.

they shift so that yuto's sitting up, hyunggu seated in his lap. hyunggu gives him a warm smile, eyes asking if he's really sure, and yuto mumbles, "if you don't do it, _i_ will." hyunggu laughs, hands carefully moving to take off his shirt. yuto feels weird, like he shouldn't be letting hyunggu see him in this way, even though he _knows_ that he trusts hyunggu enough. 

"beautiful." hyunggu whispers, leaning in to kiss him.

yuto pulls away from the kiss to move to hyunggu’s neck, his heart battering against his rib cage. he’s gone, so far gone - drunk on hyunggu, on his touch, his kisses. he stops to catch his breath, admiring the marks he left on hyunggu’s neck. 

“i have to cover these up, you know.” hyunggu protests.

“just like i have to cover up mine.” yuto raises an eyebrow at him, trying not to smile. he feels like he’s floating, all light and airy.

and suddenly hyunggu’s kissing him again, hands resting comfortably around his neck and yuto thinks his heart just might burst out of his chest, especially when hyunggu moves his fingers through his hair, tugging slightly. 

yuto’s hands slip up hyunggu’s shirt, his fingers dipping into the crooks and crevices of hyunggu’s spine before moving back to the edge of hyunggu’s shirt. 

“it’s okay. you can..” hyunggu’s voice trails off, and everything feels so heightened, like every nerve in yuto’s body is firing at once. he slowly removes his shirt, and for once, hyunggu is _warm_ to the touch.

yuto decides that hyunggu is one of the most beautiful people to ever grace this planet. 

“have i mentioned how _beautiful_ you are yet?” yuto murmurs, eyes flicking back up to meet hyunggu’s warm ones.

“not yet.”

“well, you are,” and yuto can’t stop himself, words tumbling out before he even realizes it. “so beautiful. everything about you is beautiful,” yuto laces their hands together, noticing the blush on hyunggu’s cheeks before continuing, “and it’s not just the way you look, you know. i always thought you were beautiful, but you’re just, so lovely and caring and sweet and the embodiment of everything good, and i think that’s what makes you even more beautiful. although, your looks are quite the bonus.” yuto breathes out, hand moving to caress hyunggu’s face.

“my baby,” he begins, and hyunggu blushes immediately, eyes flickering away from yuto’s. he’s never seen hyunggu so _shy._

“my baby.” he repeats, hand tilting hyunggu’s chin up, so he’s looking at him. hyunggu lets out a little sigh, and they’re kissing again, both of them greedy for a little something _more._

they don’t get far, but that’s okay, yuto decides. being with hyunggu like this, touching him, _kissing_ him, is more than enough for him. 

yuto knows now that he’s in love, knows the feeling that bubbles up in his chest whenever he sees hyunggu is more than just happiness, more than affection. yuto’s wholeheartedly, undeniably falling in love with hyunggu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may or not be considering on one last rly soft chapter but only if yall would actually like one idk im so attached to this fic it feels weird not writing anything for it any longer


	8. hyunggu thinks he’s in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunggu loses himself in yuto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY.......this is /definitely/ the last chapter im sorryhdj i wasnt even going to post this chapter tbh because it kinda started out as me screwing around n writing soft shit but it turned out decent i guess? so here i am yall thought u were done w me but Nope anyways i hope u guys like it idk its shorter than i wanted it to be n the endings kinda shit but yeah to those of u who like...actually followed this story despite it being bad...ur the best i love u thank u

hyunggu thinks he’s in love. 

he thinks he’s in love when yuto smiles at him from across the room, eyes crinkling and features lighting up.

he thinks he’s in love when yuto slips into his room every now and them, murmuring something about being unable to sleep without hyunggu by his side, and hyunggu rests his head in the crook where yuto’s neck meets his shoulders, feeling so complete with him there.

he thinks he’s in love when no one’s looking and yuto laces their hands together, thumb skimming his knuckles every now and then, the gesture making his heart race. hyunggu stares at their hands, wondering how it’s possible that they fit together so _perfectly,_ wondering if there’ll ever come a time where things such as this become insignificant, lose meaning. he hopes not.

he thinks he’s in love when yuto kisses him one night, so sweet and soft. hyunggu almost sighs when he pulls away, teasing. hyunggu grabs him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him back for more. it’s less gentle this time, with hyunggu’s hands moving _everywhere_ but neither one of them seem to mind. 

hyunggu definitely thinks he’s in love when he’s seated in yuto’s lap one night on his bed, yuto’s hands fitted comfortably around his waist. 

“you are so beautiful.” hyunggu breathes out, and yuto’s smiling that smile reserved for hyunggu and _hyunggu_ only, so warm and loving. hyunggu thinks he’s never seen something so beautiful, never felt so happy to be with someone, never wanted to kiss someone more. 

“everything about you is beautiful.” yuto’s gaze falls from hyunggu’s, shaking his head.

“that’s not..” he begins, and hyunggu cuts him off with a soft, _“hey,”_ hands cupping yuto’s face. “hey, listen to me.” he pauses, waiting for yuto to look at him.

“you are beautiful, especially when you smile, and your eyes light up. and when you laugh really hard, eyes crinkling? beautiful.” he stops briefly to kiss yuto, slowly and gently. he’s almost a little sad when he pulls away, already aching for yuto’s touch.

“your flaws? beautiful. everything you dislike about yourself? beautiful.” each _beautiful_ is accentuated by a kiss, and yuto sighing in response. 

“i don’t deserve you.” yuto mumbles, eyes flicking back and forth between hyunggu and the wall behind him.

“i don’t deserve _you.”_ hyunggu responds, and suddenly yuto’s kissing him, and it’s not soft or gentle, not like any other kiss they’ve had before, but hyunggu likes it, maybe a little too much.

he knows he’s in love when he wakes up and realizes six months have passed by. 

“this is all i want. the lazy mornings, the cooking breakfast in the tiny kitchen together, the good morning kisses. all of it. i want all of it.” hyunggu confesses, in the middle of making breakfast, and yuto’s smiling so widely when he turns to face him, eyes filled with something hyunggu can’t identify, but it makes his heart flutter. 

“it’s what i want too.” yuto looks so shy, like this is the first time he’s being open with his feelings, and the words have long since made their way out of hyunggu’s heart, worked their way into his throat and he doesn’t even realize he’s saying, “i love you,” until he notices the way yuto’s eyes go wide, notices the way everything goes still. this wasn’t really the way he wanted to tell yuto, but it’s too late now, he supposes. hyunggu tugs on the sleeves of his sweater anxiously, waiting to hear yuto’s response. he doesn’t wait that long, the feeling of not knowing killing him.

“you don’t have to...” he starts, wanting to fill the silence, but then yuto steps closer to him, and all he hears is his heart beating in his throat, drowning out everything else.

“i love you too.” yuto confesses, eyes nervously meeting hyunggu’s. hyunggu’s practically _giddy_ when he hears yuto say it back, this new feeling spreading throughout his body, leaving him all warm and fuzzy. he smiles warmly at yuto, who leans in to kiss him, and hyunggu’s arms automatically snake around yuto’s neck. he feels him smile into the kiss, hands moving to lift hyunggu onto the countertop, who reflexively wraps his legs around yuto’s waist without even thinking about it. yuto kisses him until his lips are buzzing, pulling away briefly to breathe, foreheads resting together, before kissing him again. slower, less messy, this time. hyunggu can’t decide which he prefers.

“the food’s going to burn if we keep this up.” hyunggu mumbles into the kiss, blushing when yuto’s lips move elsewhere, finding a home on his neck and collarbones.

“i’m serious.” he tries to glare at yuto, but he just smiles at him, going back to what he was doing earlier.

 _“yuto.”_ hyunggu giggles, trying to detach himself from him. yuto relents, but not before he kisses hyunggu one more time, more deeply than last time. hyunggu can’t help but smile into it, can’t help himself around yuto. 

yuto can’t help himself either, apparently, not letting hyunggu finish breakfast in peace, lips ghosting over his neck and hands sliding around his waist, slipping up his shirt, lightly touching his hips.

“at least wait until we eat breakfast.” hyunggu protests, glaring at yuto.

“and then what?” yuto raises an eyebrow at hyunggu, waiting. this time hyunggu’s blushing, unwilling to respond. yuto just smiles, hand resting casually on hyunggu’s thigh, tracing shapes every so often. hyunggu wishes it didn’t make him shiver, because he can tell yuto seems to enjoy seeing what he does to him. 

the second hyunggu finishes he’s met with a soft, “back to bed?” from yuto, and he doesn’t even have the deceny to blush, just lets yuto guide him to his room. 

yuto’s hands are everywhere, moving from his hips to the curve in hyunggu’s back to the nape of his neck, his kisses sweet with a small hint of greed. hyunggu is overwhelmed, wants nothing more than to kiss yuto until he’s dizzy and his lungs burn, wants to melt against yuto’s body, find a home in his chest. 

“my lap. that’s where i want you. for now.” yuto breathes out, and hyunggu can’t even bother to be flustered, just does what he wants, cheeks flushed and eyes starry. 

“my baby.” yuto murmurs, hand cool against hyunggu’s cheek. hyunggu covers his hand with his own, smiling softly. he wishes there were words to describe how he feels, looking at the one person who understands him in ways no one else could, the one person who knows every inch of his body, flaws and all. it’s unimaginable, he decides. 

“i love you.” hyunggu states, plain and simple. he feels raw, like yuto’s burned away all of his layers, leaving all of his emotions exposed, pouring out of his heart and bones, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t mind being vulnerable, not when it’s for him, doesn’t mind that his heart is for yuto and yuto _only._

“i love you.” he repeats, and yuto’s kissing him again, hungry for something more. he feels yuto’s lips moving, can tell he’s mumbling a quiet ‘i love you too’ against his skin, making him shiver.

“do you wanna do this?” hyunggu asks when he pulls away, a little breathless. 

“god, yes. do you?” and hyunggu’s nodding before yuto even finishes, hands already trailing to yuto’s shirt. 

“and you’re sure?” yuto questions, eyes meeting hyunggu’s. 

“yes. i trust you. 100%.” hyunggu reassures, entwining their hands together. yuto brings their raised hands up, lips skimming over hyunggu’s knuckles. then he moves him against the bed, so that yuto’s hovering over him. and hyunguu’s gone. his vision is tunneling, all of his thoughts revolving purely around yuto, around how much he loves this boy, loves the way he makes him feel, loves the way he kisses him, loves absolutely everything there is to love about yuto.

hyunggu feels so loved the entire time, with yuto whispering praises into his skin, pressing kisses into the dips and curves of hyunggu’s body, hands still entwined. it’s all he could’ve ever asked for. 

even afterwards, yuto’s being more than affectionate, holding hyunggu in his arms and kissing him every once in a while.

“this is so unlike you.” hyunggu admits, turning to face yuto. “the affection, i mean.” he clarifies when yuto raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for an explanation.

“i’m a reformed man because of you.” yuto teases, and hyunggu laughs, harder than he should, really. they go quiet, hyunggu’s mind wandering elsewhere.

he knew that they wouldn’t be able to celebrate their anniversary the way other couples do, so _open_ and out there. the thought always made him sad, wanting nothing more than to be with yuto, because dates are one thing. everyone knows that they hang out together, that they’re close, because they’re supposed to be, and yeah, they can steal kisses when no one’s looking, hold hands under the table, but it’s not the same. hyunggu frowns, not wanting to let his thoughts overwhelm him, today of all days.

he decides he’s okay with just spending today at the dorms. more than okay, actually. he doesn’t even bother to think about all the things they could’ve done.

“what are you thinking about?” and hyunggu almost sighs, because yuto knows him all too well, reads him like an open book, with his thoughts all spread out.

“just...what could’ve been, i guess. if we weren’t idols, i mean.” hyunggu admits, not even having to look at yuto to know he’s frowning.

“i think about that a lot, actually.” yuto starts, looking at him sheepishly. “but it doesn’t matter, not the way i see it.” he continues, resting his head on hyunggu’s shoulder. 

hyunggu shifts so that he’s facing towards yuto, not away, and yuto’s hands are already back around his waist when he asks, “how do you see it?” and yuto’s avoiding his gaze, after everything, because hyunggu knows how he is, still unsure and closed off.

“we’re together. that’s how i see it. nothing else matters.” and it’s not the answer hyunggu wanted, not the answer he was expecting, but he swallows the feelings down. not today, he thinks. he just wants to be happy, today especially, so he smiles up at yuto, nose scrunching slightly and eyes all bright once again. yuto looks relieved, probably because he sensed hyunggu’s hesitation, but neither of them say anything, silently agreeing to talk about it another time, when they have their thoughts together. so, he ignores all of the thoughts racing through his mind, choosing to focus on how yuto’s hands feel around him, how they make him feel balanced, how yuto presses his lips to hyunggu’s forehead, so gently and reassuringly, before resting his chin on top of his head. he focuses on the hand he has on yuto’s chest, feeling his heartbeat.

hyunggu moves away, so that yuto’s face comes back down to his, and hyunggu’s tugging him closer, so he can kiss him until his lips ache, until he forgets all of the shitty things they refuse to talk about, wanting to feel whole again, and it’s not ideal, not one bit - their relationship, that is, because they can’t be human first, their jobs, their music, coming first. (that was okay until yuto came along, making him dizzy and aching for more, more than what he already had) but hyunggu doesn’t care, can’t bring himself to. his vision’s gone hazy from being drunk off of yuto’s touch, his kisses. this is what matters right now, he decides. nothing else. everything else can wait. 

so he opens his heart up instead, making room for another person, for _yuto,_ and it’s okay. everything’s okay. as long as he has yuto.


End file.
